Just wanted to write a short blog post to give you guys a quick update on what’s going on. Click “Continue Reading” if you’re interested.
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In October, I started using an online therapy service. The first therapist that I got matched with wasn’t a good fit for me, but I feel great about the one I’m speaking to now. I’ve had four sessions with him so far, and I plan to continue speaking to him for the rest of the year (at the least).
For most of my life, I was extremely skeptical about therapy. I wasn’t sure what kind of benefit it could provide. I always thought that therapy was just “talking about feelings” and that I would be better off spending my time trying to proactively solve my problems rather than just talking about them. But, now that I have firsthand experience with therapy, I think I finally see the value of it.
Throughout our conversations, my therapist has made a lot of observations about me that I didn’t have the self-awareness to recognize on my own. I won’t go into excessive detail, but talking with him has given me a much deeper understanding of how my poor lifestyle choices have impacted my mental health. And, more importantly, he’s pointed out what steps I need to take in order to get better.
So far, each conversation I’ve had with him has given me a much clearer understanding of how to undo the damage I’ve done to myself over the years. I’ll keep talking with him and taking the advice that he’s been giving me.
Over the past few years, a lot of people contacted me and said things like, “Hey, you seem like you need a friend. Want to talk?” I always told these people that I was busy with work, and didn’t have time to chat. I equated socializing with laziness and weakness, and focused my attention on work almost 100% of the time. As a result, I rarely ever socialized with anyone. There were only one or two people in my life that I would have actually described as a “friend.” I was incredibly lonely.
But, over the past month, I’ve loosened up a bit. These days, if someone reaches out to me and offers their friendship, I’m not so quick to turn them away. I’m very cautious at first – I always want to make sure that I’m not talking to a kid or someone with bad intentions – but if they seem like a genuinely nice person, then I actually speak with them instead of just shooing them away.
I can’t overstate how much of a difference this has made. Just by making this one change to my life, I’ve made a lot of new friends over the past month, and I feel like my mental health has improved immensely. This hasn’t magically solved everything overnight, but I already feel a lot less lonely and a lot happier now than I was before.
I’d also like to mention that recently I’ve been leaving my house, interacting with people in real life, and participating in activities that don’t involve the use of a computer. I don’t want to give out any details or specifics – like, “I go bowling every Sunday!” – since it could lead to safety concerns. But, I can honestly say that I have been getting out of the house more often, and that stepping away from the computer for a while feels a lot better than I thought it would.
I want to briefly mention something for the people who are curious about the game and its future.
In my last blog post, I stated that development was going to be “paused” while I focused on improving my lifestyle and my mental health. However, it would be more accurate to say that I’ve significantly adjusted my work/life balance so that Yandere Simulator is no longer completely dominating my existence.
I genuinely enjoy the act of game development – it’s honestly my favorite activity – and I would never want to step away from it completely. Even though my focus right now is on self-improvement, I do set aside some time every day to make additions to the game. Development is still proceeding…just not at the cost of my mental and physical well-being.
I’m really proud of the things that I’ve added to the game over the past month, and there is a part of me that wants to share a bunch of screenshots of what I’ve been working on lately…but, it wouldn’t be appropriate to post that stuff right now. My current focus should be self-reflection and self-improvement, not trying to make things “return to normal” as quickly as possible.
I’ve heard of something called “The 21/90 Rule” – apparently, it takes 21 days to form a habit, but it takes 90 days to turn a habit into a permanent lifestyle change. Until I’ve been living a healthier life for at least 60 more days, I haven’t earned the right to return to “business as usual.” Eventually, I’ll return to releasing new builds and showing off new content…but not today.
(With that said, I strongly believe that the people who have been supporting me have a right to see my latest work. So, I will be documenting my development progress on Patreon.)
Therapy is helping a lot more than I expected. Making friends instead of pushing people away is really good for your mental health. I’m still working on Yandere Sim…I’m just doing it at a much healthier pace than before.
Before I go, I’d like to briefly reiterate what I said in my last blog post: If you’re a volunteer, an ex-volunteer, or someone who wants to become a volunteer, and you wish to communicate with me, please contact me through e-mail, not Discord.
Also, if you are at least 18 years old and you want to interact with other adult fans of the game without the presence of children, you are welcome to join our new Guilded community.
Thanks for your time.